Leaving My Dark Cave

Sometimes I hear the echoes of my past demons,
still trying to force themselves into my life
They are hungry, yearning for my nourishment, and then fading away in despair after a while.
But they always find a way back,
Screaming my name and trying to pull me into that hole
The one I used to be in, the one that felt like home,
The one in which they made me feel like one of their own
The one in which they made me believe that I was whole

It was dark…not dark enough for me not to see the light
But it was dark. I liked it dark; I thought that’s when I really had my sight
It was my refuge and they knew this,
They knew it was an arrangement I made, a deal with the devil
My personal demons always fed off of my weakness,
And in return they satisfied my need to be secure and fenced by only my thoughts
Those same thoughts that caused me to find them
Yes it was dark, but I found them. Every single time
And unlike everything else, they never disappointed. Especially when I got older

Eventually I accepted the light; I felt it’s warmth on the back on my shoulder
I turned around to see it so close to me…I never knew it was that close
So I walked, I walked and walked towards it until I finally got out.
But I was only out of the hole…
And as I continued to walk, I realized I was inside a cave
A cave that I never knew existed,
A cave that I had created myself as I blamed my demons for setting me up
It was me. It was all me.

And so I took it upon myself to walk out and never look back
Overwhelmed by the sense of freedom, I felt myself collapse on the grass that is my heart
And the waters started to flow…
It rained so much; I thought it would never stop. But it did
I was free. Free from myself and I could finally breathe
The smell of freedom made my nose twitch, it felt unfamiliar…but it felt good.

This all happened not long enough ago, and so
Although my past demons remain chained, they still call out my name.


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