R.I.P……For now

Yes, Yes there were nights where your voice echoed in my mind
Where all I could hear were the strains of the beating of your heart
Trying to celebrate life, but breaking down on Heart Break Avenue
It saddened me,
To see you lift yourself up, only to push yourself back down with such thoughts
It saddened me to know a part of you was being forsaken, so I fought
I fought to keep you alive, to keep you striving for that one last breathe
I fought…but the fighting strained me too
There I was, fighting a war that I knew nothing about
Trying to fill in the gaps, connect dots, work puzzles
I gave my love, like an ice cream with drizzled chocolate chips and whipped cream and a cherry on top
I gave it all…I even let myself push you up first when we’d fall
It was a maze I put myself in only to find you were not at the finish line
The answer was not about you, but about me…
I was once a prisoner of love
I once loved to be imprisoned by the hands of a beautiful thief
That thief that took away so much of my strength
So much of my energy and whatnot
A thief of the heart…smooth criminal
I once knelt before my bed and prayed that my heart doesn’t explode
So much going on at once, and for once I wanted to be bold
I wanted to stand on my own and become someone they had never known
And like a hero walks away after a fight in a movie scene
I wanted my slow motion moment to be me waking up from a dream
Waking up and realizing it had never happened, yet I had the choice to make it happen
I wanted choice, power…control
But my heart was lost in his and my mind was far too crowded to capture such a moment
So instead in slow motion I’d run towards him every chance I got
Never fought, never tried to make myself stop
I’d just keep running…
Heart beating as fast as the music in my ears
I’d reach him…and just fall
He always made me fall…not like a leaf on a tree
No I was never that free
But like a ball…he’d dribble me, I’d fall then he’d catch me
The cycle went on and on until I could not be dribbled no more
I had become too sore, too weak
Someone told me the easier days were to come
I doubted them…I was wrong
We were both wrong, we got no freedom from being free
It became easier, then it became harder for you and me
Me and you, Us
As the love turned into lust
Or was it just me feeling the dust, get swept away
I felt like I had finally pulled the parachute and so my landing was prepared
I felt like I was finally breathing some fresh air
But I swear, I couldn’t keep myself from thinking about it
From thinking about the horrible thing that killed chivalry
From thinking about how grateful I was to have ever met chivalry in the first place
And so I took a moment of silence and bowed my head down
R.I.P………..for now

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