Lost Soul

 

The perfume that once lingered

On your set of clothes

That smile that once gave such a beautiful pose

I suppose

Has lost meaning

The days spun around me so quick

I couldn’t blink

In state of shock

What could I possibly think?

In search for more, for less

For something better, happiness

But first stress

Took over

As I carried the weight of confusion on my shoulders

Yeah the world got colder

As I got older

Forced to be the best I could be and more

Still I got this hole

Larger by the second it gets

Regrets filling my insides

Enshrouding my pain as I walk by

Pain that I still don’t understand

It was then that it all begun

Refusing any helping hand

I locked myself in my own land

Complaining

Yes, what I do best is complain

Feeling vain, but this unstoppable rain

Causes that pain

That confusion mixed with illusions

Consuming my mental state

And confusing my intuition

Haunted by memories that I can’t quite recall

I ask myself “was she ever here at all”

Momentarily trying to remember the last time

The last line, as I said the last goodbye

I try, to understand

To remember the feeling of your hands

The songs you sang

But seems nothing was for real

It hits you as hard as a rock

As holidays become unbearable

Still in state of shock

Can’t seem to see anything as tangible

Everything is bleak, all you seek

Is to be isolated

Secluded from the world, you feel violated

By the bitterness of the cycle of life

Deprived, you feel, from all the beautiful things

As your heart stings

Moment of silence we give those who have passed

At last, I can see the future is vast

Used to struggle to keep my faith

Until that day

I picked up a pen and wrote away

All of my misery

Freedom I seek internally

Wanting to be free from this state of life that thoroughly

Holds me back from achieving my goals

Until I realized what makes me feel whole

A lost soul,

I stroll around with nothing but the memory of her name

A picture of her face, wondering if it would be the same

If she were here

If she were near

One door away, would there still be fear?

Through my posture you see the lack of a voice of expression

So I document my thoughts and confessions

It’s my own therapy session

Because there’s that falsity

Of feeling whole without you

I can thoroughly see

That it’s a heartbreak I can’t undo

Stuck with me forever

All I can do is try to get through

Face reality, and let the truth be the truth…

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